you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize