how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
