He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
