is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
