I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
