You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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