I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
