It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
