Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
