just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
