so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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