The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
