my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
