My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
