I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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