Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
