i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize