did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
