I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
