woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Randomize
