see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
