Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
