Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
