Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This is the high leading the old right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize