I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
