Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
