i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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