I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
