...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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