Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
