I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
