sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
