What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
