Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
