Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
