Non-Jews are for practice
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
