Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The beer is more important than you right now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
