Redeem this text for a blowjob
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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