I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
