so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
