Dual....:-)
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My cat gives me a boner
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
