there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Randomize
