is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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