ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
