so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
