yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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