awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
