Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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