Texts From Last Night

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  (530): View more from California

  When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.

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  (530): When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children. http://tfl.nu/7iz1
  Replies (109) Good night (859) Bad night (2757) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.

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  (518): I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever. http://tfl.nu/idj0
  Replies (39) Good night (5511) Bad night (1047) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.

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  (218): Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job. http://tfl.nu/1e2u
  Replies (14) Good night (2741) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.

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  (706): I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor. http://tfl.nu/s5q7
  Replies (21) Good night (1997) Bad night (4327) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.

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  (402): She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time. http://tfl.nu/nker
  Replies (9) Good night (4920) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.

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  (404): My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck. http://tfl.nu/0ivr
  Replies (11) Good night (4559) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?

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  (925): Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of? http://tfl.nu/w46i
  Replies (9) Good night (2258) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them

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  (630): But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them http://tfl.nu/vxlz
  Replies (10) Good night (5238) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high

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  (814): You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high http://tfl.nu/8t28
  Replies (7) Good night (1139) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.

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  (760): Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now. http://tfl.nu/d97x
  Replies (6) Good night (580) Bad night (1432)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Congratulations on your lack of fetus.

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  (630): Congratulations on your lack of fetus. http://tfl.nu/ujd7
  Replies (4) Good night (1685) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.

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  (971): I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up. http://tfl.nu/s3lx
  Replies (4) Good night (1275) Bad night (318) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.

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  (404): Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on. http://tfl.nu/451u
  Replies (7) Good night (581) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor

  (206): View more from Washington

  Haha oh no

  (425): View more from Washington

  The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends

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  (425): I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor (206): Haha oh no (425): The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends http://tfl.nu/igx9
  Replies (1) Good night (497) Bad night (171)
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  (323): View more from California

  Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not

  (818): View more from California

  Stop it right now

  (323): View more from California

  This time face forward

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  (323): Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not (818): Stop it right now (323): This time face forward http://tfl.nu/ev7s
  Replies (2) Good night (395) Bad night (148)

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