I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You ruined the universe
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
