I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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