Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
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Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
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I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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