i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
