It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
