I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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