i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
