Fuck appropriateness.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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