we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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