I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
