Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
