she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
