i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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