shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
