did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
