Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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