True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
