You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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