If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
