I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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