so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
