Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
where am i from again
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
