Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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