He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
