What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
